Thursday, July 19, 2007


How do you stop from spiraling out of control? How do you stop the eventful meltdown?? How?? Purty please, can someone tell me??

So much has happened to wreck my emotional self in the last 24 hours. I am about to ship my teenage son to Mexico, I hurt my leg, really, really, reall bad this morning. I saw a lady in the street face down in the crosswalk in front of my house. The police and ambulance were surrounding her, but they weren't moving her or touching her. She seemed familiar, since I live in a small town, and it was by the elementary school across from me. I saw alot people gathered and gesturing. From what I could gather, looked like a hit and run. But not sure what happened to the lady. Please, I pray to GOD that she is okay, please, please. I've never ever witnessed anything like that, and since I was already crying from my leg and was even more emotional. All the while Mateo is in the backseat asking me if I'm crying. I wipe my tears and say no, let's put on Diego. After all that I jump on the freeway to head to work. I call my HR manager and let her now I will absolutely be late, and I just start bawling. Like I dunno. I was holding it all in, and let go on her.

If you're still following, there's more.

See the whole reason I'm crying about my leg ... well, it's really a long story, but I might as well let you have the whole picture. I am type 1 diabetic have been for about 13 years. About 8 years ago, I got burned by a firework on my right shin. It wasn't bad, but it looked like a bruise, and it just never went away. Like I'm talking years. I noticed it started to look like it was sinking in at the middle of the lesion. After much research I figure out it's Necrobiosis Lipodica Mellitus. I go to the general doctor, they have no idea and they send me to the dermatologist. He barely has a clue, but has heard of it. Basically the collagen in my skin is gone, so this leaves a very transparent, shiny circle with an elevated ring, which has something to do with the blood cells. The skin has no give, because it doesn't stretch. It's not very common, and most doctors in my hobunk town don't have a clue. So I basically but ointment on it everyday to keep it most, since it's so dry, I'm afraid of it cracking and becoming an ulcer. This morning my worst fear happens. I turn and hit my leg righ on THAT spot on a corner. I immediateyl feel my skin tear. I am crying because it hurt so much and because I am afraid. I've managed to keep it safe for such a long time, and now, seriously, now?!!! I just become so emotional over it, I am crying and crying. It hurts really bad.. The tear isn't too bad, but it's oozing, not bleeding and the skin isn't quite "together" like it's separated a bit. So I doubt it's going to scab anytime soon.

So that was my morning thus far! Here's to hoping I can go home, kick up my legs and relax, because I can't seriously keep going like this. I am an emotional wreck. More on the rest of the saga later tonight or tomorrow. Man I so wished I had a laptop!


Jovi said...

oh hon...what a day! hang in there. if your derm isn't familiar with skin issues of diabetics, call your ins company and ask for a referral to someone who knows! it sucks having to be your own doc (and then pay someone to make it official), i know...but hey, the upside is that you're smart enough to figure it out on your own!

also, check out meow cosmetics, for kicks. i like their foundations better than AL, and i don't think they have lipgloss ;)

Cookie's Mommy said...

awwww hugs to you!!! what a bad day! any word on the poor lady? i second what Jovi said about the doctor! hang in there!