Worthy

I know I have a slight case of paranoia, but at times I can't help but feel unworthy. Unworthy of what you may ask. Well, maybe unworthy isn't the right word.

You think you are hip and get to hang out with the cool kids. Then someone says something that makes you realize you were never really in the cool club. Maybe they tolerate you because you are a nice person, but never wanted you in their club. And it isn't something that person or group of people did or say that was mean. They probably didn't even realize it. It could be as simple as someone saying "Oh did you see those pictures so and so sent" and you think to yourself, hmmm, I never saw those? Am I that forgetable or unworthy of their friendship, they didn't think I'd like to see whatever they were sharing with everyone else?

And I so hate to be ONE of those people. You know the kind that are needy and need everything to be about them. The one who needs their friendships qualified. Cause honestly I'm quite happy with my friends, online and in real life, it's just those moments sometimes, that make me feel that maybe the connections I thought were there, really aren't. Like an outsider.

I think I make friends easily. The one issue I have, is that I am an open book. You wanna talk about my "bald eagle", I'll tell you all about it, and I think that's my problem. I put too much out there. I can't help it. It's my personality. I don't have a filter, and in the first 20 minutes of meeting me, you'll know all about my diabetes, my teenage pregnancy and issues with my husband. Is it a turn off?? I dunno, but I can't stop being me. Issues and all.