Tuesday, August 14, 2007


omigawd! Have you seen that Heroes comes back on Sept. 24. Woot-woot!! Now for some real TV.

So I just couldn't go back and read Marie Antoinette or Lovely Bones. So I am going to add those to spots 3 & 4. I started reading I know why the caged bird sings. I've only gotten through a few pages, but so far so good. It's by Maya Angelou and based on her life. It's funny and sad and eye opening for a person so naive as me.

I haven't scrapped in forever, well like 2 weeks. I'm itching for it. Right now, I'm not feeling great. I don't know what it is. Everything in my bubble has gone bonkers. Everything. The only good news is my niece is getting married. It's about time! I'm very happy for her, and I just met her Fiance and he is a good guy and funny. They are perfect.

Why is it that money can't grow on trees again? Not that it would solve all my problems, but it would help.

I think I'm a caring and compassionate person. I have empathy for loved ones, friends and family. Maybe too much sometimes. I take everyone elses problems and throw them on my shoulders and sometimes it's too much to bare. Throw along my own issues, I feel like I'm gonna fall to my knees. I can't just chuck the feelings though, so how do I cope? Worse yet, is the feeling that nobody really cares that you sacraficed your own self to try and help someone. To not even say 'hey, everything finally worked out now, thanks'. I mean I feel really horrible that I tried to help as much as I can, and I didn't even get a call to say I'm safe and home now. Is that being selfish?

I guess I have to learn to manage those feelings, but with so much going on right, it's hard to manage. Let alone all the horrors going on all over the world. So I just sat in the car yesterday, just sat there and closed my eyes. My husband tried to lure me out, but I wasn't having it, then of course he sends Mateo to come to door and say "Mommaaa, come out" Of course I did, he brings me joy. His sweet smile and hugs and kisses make it better. But why couldn't my husband understand I just needed a minute to myself. No TV, to kids running, no "what's for dinner mom?", no cleaning or picking up. Just one freaking minute. My mind goes a mile a minute, I need some time to make things clear in my head. I really think it's affecting my work. I can't concetrate on anything. I'm worried and stressed.

There's my vent for today. I'll come back with a happier post later. I'll go take a walk to the new gourmet Ralphs store here in Downtown LA and get some lunch. Maybe the HOT HUMID weather will help me think.

Wait, now that I got started, It's like the floodgates have opened. Sometimes it's difficult to talk about, especially since this forum is so public. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but it really sucks when you lose a friend. I'm the type of person who really can't let go. If I feel like I've been wronged in some way, I'm not the person to ask for forgiveness. If it's my fault, then most likely I will. The problem you encounter when you have strong willed personalities, is that neither party will accept the fact that they were wrong. And it goes on. I'm usually a happy go lucky kinda girl. I go with the flow most times. But I'm a Leo, and as most of my friends and family know already, when I get angry, hurt or dissapointed, it's not a good thing to be around me. What to do. Yes, I could be the bigger person in this or any situation. But at this point, I don't know if it would help. And with everything posted above going on, I'm tired. Plus there is SO MUCH MORE going on that I can't even begin to discuss, but I imagine I'll be able to talk about it in the future. It's like everyone's gone crazy. And though this issue seems like it would be somewhere in the middle of all my problems, it's only one that has layed heavy on my heart. It's been pushed back so that I don't have feelings on it, because when it comes up, I get diarreah of the mouth.

NOW, that's been said, I think I'll go pick up lunch now.

1 comment:

Jovi said...

aw, hon. sorry you are feeling like you are struggling so much! i totally had the "run in with a friend can't post on my public blog" thing, too. bah :P